The summer has been largely uneventful. When people ask what I did I will have to reply with resounding silence. Then I shall listen to all the fabulous and amazing achievements, developments and experiences they have enjoyed.
Recently I was sitting back and trying to rack my brains around a new site I could develop, so I could do something with my free time. I hadn't made a site about anything I was passionate about for a long time. Then it struck me, what am I passionate about? There's nothing I am particularly obsessed with, nothing overtly interests me and I see nothing that fascinates me enough to go out of my way and pursue it. Sure I have interests but there's not one thing that I can say "yeah my life is dedicated to doing that".
I get sudden spouts where I feel I must be creative, write about something, design something, or do something clever. But there's just no something. I'll sit at a canvas and then leave it. I greatly enjoy music and it fascinates me to no end, I do obsessively listen to a lot of odd and enlightening stuff. So why not pursue that? Well I have absolutely no musical talent which rules out all creative aspects.
Maybe I just lack conviction, maybe I will find something or maybe I will forever remain a subjectless critic with an empty gallery of my great shortcomings. Perhaps society has just deluded me into a downward spiral of convoluting boredom, or you could say I was passing the buck. I'll get over it.
Labels: Life
