Adventures of a Rotting Celeriac
Monday, December 18, 2006
As a good healthy student I purchased myself a rounded, tasty and nutritious Celeriac from Tesco (for those not in the know, this is the base of Celery, the thing we use to do all those kiddy dye experiments). In my halls of residence I have a three shelf cupboard and place fresh veg' on the top and in the middle. These shelves are above my level of sight. Following a week or so I bought some onions, pasta, veg' etc. which began to obscure the turnip like vegetable from view. Come today and I reached to the back to fetch one of the onions needed to make a Con Carne mix, alas it looked wet and a little rotten on one side. No worries, I shall get another onion - this too, despite being fresher, showed the same symptoms. Upon closer inspection I now noticed a yellowy celeriac smegma covering the base of the shelf and dripping down to the lower levels. This brown, gooey yuck reeked of a celery that had traveled the world of Hades and returned via the slums of vegetable purgatory, where all the unwanted Brussel Sprouts are tormented.
Now I grew distressed - this seeping atrocity had infiltrated my pasta reserves, the parsnips, the onions, the malt loaf, the apples, the potatoes and most importantly the dry noodles. These noodles now escaped their packaging; as liquid brought them to life they splayed across the bottom shelf as if worms escaping an apocalypse. It was at this point I rediscovered my gag reflex. The offending Celeriac itself, instead of being a firm and solid spherical object more closely resembled a spongy and disgusting sea creature of the nether world.
It is beyond me how it could have reached that condition, now that everything has been removed it all stinks to a point that is unbearable. Yet I had been happily using the cupboard for many days before without noticing the slightest of problems. Maybe those onions were absorbing the smell, who knows. Anyway, I must dash as I am to play Scattergories.
May the horrors of the Celeriac be now known to you. Have a pleasant evening.
Now I grew distressed - this seeping atrocity had infiltrated my pasta reserves, the parsnips, the onions, the malt loaf, the apples, the potatoes and most importantly the dry noodles. These noodles now escaped their packaging; as liquid brought them to life they splayed across the bottom shelf as if worms escaping an apocalypse. It was at this point I rediscovered my gag reflex. The offending Celeriac itself, instead of being a firm and solid spherical object more closely resembled a spongy and disgusting sea creature of the nether world.
It is beyond me how it could have reached that condition, now that everything has been removed it all stinks to a point that is unbearable. Yet I had been happily using the cupboard for many days before without noticing the slightest of problems. Maybe those onions were absorbing the smell, who knows. Anyway, I must dash as I am to play Scattergories.
May the horrors of the Celeriac be now known to you. Have a pleasant evening.
Posted by FofR
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